[.:*kagou*:.] [ The Blog ]

Sunday, December 05, 2004

After the 'O' Levels... I guess I played so much that I forgot about blogging quite entirely. Oh well. It's not as if I have any interesting content that's good for the eye, they're all my boring long compositions consisting of endless shapes which they call English alphabets. Okay, maybe I wasn't really gaming to THAT extent that I couldn't find time to blog... but I was thinking about the days with SDA. Last year it was this time that I joined them too... I was asked whether I want to go back by one of the friends still unblocked and well, hell. Of course I wanted to go back. They're like my other family there. Even then... I still can't forget the dream I had, the dream I used to share with someone, the dream that I still have.

The path of construction is long. Yet, it takes only a mere moment to crumble away. That is what a dream is. No progress can be made if no gambles are taken. I've reflected for 296 days, I've thought about befriending her again, but given my current situation, it may mean the eternal destruction of friendship between us and the others. Then again, if I don't do anything, it's as good as what is mentioned earlier as well. The only difference is that I can continue dreaming and know nothing about what she feels. I don't know if I should continue on like this, but it's really going to hurt to have her chasing me away with a totally cold, unfriendly tone.

Another problem lies with the excuse I'm going to use for the disappearance for an entire 8 months. Hmm, a genius of my calibre thought of a wonderful excuse. I shall say that it's just so fun being with all of them that I've begun to neglect my studies, therefore I wanted to join them after my 'O' Levels are over! But such a genius has miscalculated. You see, during the prelims I failed to make it to JC. Which implies that I've deproved instead. So what face do I have to go back there? In the end, I'll have to wait for the 'O' Levels results to be released. And HOPE. HOPE. HOPE. HOPE. HOPE. Hope that I make it. So... there are two conditions to be fulfilled I guess.

Heh... I'm really such a proud and selfish person. Maybe that's what gets on everyone's nerves. Or maybe it's every part of me, I don't really know. Maybe I shall just put my problems aside and blog some happy stuff...

Sigh, I have sooo many things to do!! I have 50 episodes of Gundam SEED to watch, 14 episodes of Kimi ga Nozomu Eien to watch, and I haven't even watched episode 138 of Prince of Tennis, 112 of Naruto or 9 of Bleach. Ahhhhh, I'm still downloading the first 14 episodes of Ragnarok The Animation too!! Where should I begin? I have no idea! I just love Gundam SEED and Gundam SEED Destiny!! Boohoo, but I shouldn't neglect PoT, Naruto and Bleach as well! Dah!! And I wanna watched the anime that I burned again!! Get Backers, Elfen Lied, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dual!, Hikaru no Go... Gee. I turned into an anime freak. Anyone know where I can download a fansubbed version of D. N. Angel? =X

To contribute to my frustration (?) The amount of manga I need to buy have increased. By a large factor. To begin with, I haven't filled up the missing holes in my manga collection. M.A.R book 2 and 6 are missing, Get Backers book 3 are missing, Hikaru no Go book 4, 8, 9 are missing, Fruits Basket book 13 are missing, MY POCKET BURN 1 HOLE AH!!!! No, it's already burnt since I have no money to buy. I've either watched the anime or read the manga on the computer already so there's no rush to do it. Though staring at the lobang kinda makes me feel sad. And I think I'm nuts or something. Yesterday I began collection on D.N Angel too when I'm not even done with the PoT manga. Hell, I'll do with just the anime, the translation of techniques are weirdy anyway.

...GASP!! I've made such a long and boring post? My apologies the community that actually come here it's just that I haven't blogged for so long and suddenly there's this undying urge to type a lot into a sentence and put my heart into everything since I haven't written an essay for such a long time since my 'O' Levels and you know I really think there's something wrong with me because all of a sudden I feel like digging out my A Maths TYS and do a whole chapter of it and believe me when I say that I have absolutely no idea why I want to do so but I just want to do it say am I straying away from the topic more and more but hey if you've noticed there's no topic at all and I believe I should stop typing soon before this goes out of hand because this is a really long sentence already but I guess it's alright because none of you would have had the patience to read all the way to the end over here even though there might be such lame people but my dearest friends who know this place can't be lame at all wait wait wait I just remembered that all my dearest friends are lame people particularly the three best friends of mine they are all equally lame but it's really none of your business and I like them lame anyway.
...Ah, I finally stopped. In the end... I'm still lonely. I spent yesterday's sleepless night thinking away and actually, I feel that I should just try. Once more. No matter what the result is...

笑声塞进梦里面回忆搬到最旁边
收拾好爱情呼啸而过的昨天
心恢复空洞整洁

一切干净到极点你来你变你不见
现在只剩顽强的思念还没有被解决

若命运只想拿个梦敷衍我太长的等候
那大可不用美丽到让我
以为这次心动会有什么

也许还是重返寂寞
毕竟也只有寂寞肯永远爱我
也许还是拥抱孤独
从来也只有孤独肯陪我痛哭
从今后就选择沉默
选择服从岁月如梭
选择服从孤独寂寞

he yawned again at 10:40 AM