[.:*kagou*:.] [ The Blog ]

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Second day.. It's only the second day... but let me start by cursing my life again, as usual.. Why is my life so miserable? There's the failure in relationship.. and then there's the failure in mid years.. the concert that's pressing in.. and my wonderful president Karen certainly didn't make my life any better. She asked me to perform during morning assembly for guitar club, and well, I just can't. I don't want to. N. O. No. And guess what came the reply? 'I don't care you'd better go, you give me enough problems liao lor'

'... ...'

Excuse me? I gave you enough problems? I worked harder than 90% of guitar club including you, all for the sake of guitar club, I helped to get a small group going and help to play solo for the concert, help to conduct the J1s for their piece, never made a single complaint and now you tell me this? Is it my attendance? I don't recall being absent without a reason, and even after being absent for a month or so did my standard drop below the rest or what was expected of me? No? And did you not throw all the junk jobs at me? 'Ben can you carry the footstools and stands to the PAC' , 'Ben can you help to carry chairs from the CSR down' , 'Ben can you bring an extra guitar, 'insert name here' sent his/her guitar for repairs' , 'Ben can you escort the girls go make the guitar shirt' why thanks a lot. I'm frustrated enough with my life as it is. I don't realli need you to make it worse you know. And by the way, you haven't returned me my piano score. If I'm realli that much of a problem then strike my name out of the club. Serious.

And there's coursework tomorrow. I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate.. I hate my life.. what is wrong with it? Is it me above everything else? Do I suck that much? Am I that lousy a person I can't keep anyone close to me at all? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!??!?!

And well.. Is it just me weak-minded? I already can't take being apart from her anymore.. it hurts it hurts it hurts... I don't know what's going on with me. I just can't seem to stop making her mad. Today I made her angry again T_T 'Is there something wrong with you? what u wan me to do?' Sigh.. I know I'm at fault, there's something wrong with me.. I know I'm the lousiest bf ever and the greatest idiot but... I realli don't know what to do... and once again my lousy attempt to talk to her is met with a 'dun disturb me'... sigh... Regretting.. regretting.. regretting.. I was told not to regret making this decision. I held myself back each time, but the jealousy, the pain of being away from her.. it hurts so much everytime. I hate myself...

We were together at some points in the day.. sometimes it was realli awkward for me because she was realli hard to approach.. but then there were the times.. where she'd doodle on my notes during lecture.. though now it's words that cut so badly.. and then in the comp lab she bit my finger again.. these things.. they made mi feel so happie deep inside.. I thought that.. if she wasn't forcing herself to act like this.. then.. we could possibly be like in the past.. I can't help thinking that way.. I realli wish to have those days back.. I realli wish to spend time with her.. why is she going out with everyone but me.. I can't controll the jealousy within me.. I can't contain the overwhelming sadness that has been plaguing me.. I just can't be apart from her.. if only she felt the same way about me..

現在是凌晨三點鐘　喝了點酒頭有點痛
寂寞的煙點燃空虛的夜　暫時把心放空

妳晾的床單忘了收　沒燙的襯衫有點皺
明天開始我將如何面對　沒有妳的以後

那些美好的畫面反複在播送
但心破碎了之後　要怎麼去拼湊

Baby Baby Love can be so beautiful

只怪那一刻　話說得太重
所有的情節都失控

Baby Baby Love should be so beautiful

妳給的太多　現在我才懂
只有煙和酒陪伴的　凌晨三點鐘

現在是凌晨三點鐘
喝了點酒頭有點痛
你晾的床單忘了收
沒燙的襯衫有點皺
明天開始我將如何面對
沒有妳的以後

凌亂的房間裡頭還留著妳的香味
怎麼也戒不掉妳獨特的笑容
如果時鐘倒著走　我不會再讓妳走
有些事情要絕望到底才能看的透

I don't drink or smoke but.. these words describe my feelings well.. her scent, her smile, they were so beautiful.. and.. I didn't cherish anything she did for me.. I..

he yawned again at 7:59 PM