Apotheosis of evil. I'm a baptised christian who doubts the existence of God.
An avatar of anti-socialism who doesn't fit anywhere in humanity.
I'm tired and lonely... the world is meaningless to me... I want to be forgiven for my sin against someone
very dear. Yet that someone has become a mere memory, no longer an existence in my life.
Endless lament... sorrow... because I was foolish and stubborn.
"I once tried to exploit the darkness within me. But I failed, and it backfired. I was lost in the
darkness, and couldn't find the light."
August 2004
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It's been a long while since I last blogged.. well.. I had the time I guess.. but just not the mood. It feels weird.. I should be feeling glad that the 'A' Levels will be over soon.. in fact they're already as good as over but.. I don't know. I kept telling myself I'd write out some stuff and sort out my feelings but it just keeps delaying. Maybe I'm still realli confused right now. Because well after all.. looking at the date today.. there's only 4 more days. Just 4 more days. Not even 4 more by the time I'm done typing this...
With the class.. with my tutor.. with her.. so many things will end. So many things.. there will be new beginnings.. but there's just.. I just don't want to part with my life right now. It's just me to be selfish and clingy. I realli love everyone and everything I have right now.
This is realli the first class that I loved. Compared to most of my classes in the past.. whoa those were hopeless people man. Lots of society trash. Haha glad that I met a lot of people here..
My tutor.. he taught me since sec 1.. like a big brother to me already over these 6 years.. after this I'm going into the army and he's working and studying for his masters.. going to miss him a lot I guess, he taught me many many things beyond what's written in my notes and textbook, and he was much more than a teacher. Bought him an adidas bag (credit to Jane for idea) and I'm glad he was looking for one hahaz =P
It sounds silly of me, but I feel like the 2 of us just had a really big quarrel.. it was just a nasty quarrel.. but somehow things were never the same anymore.. Even then it saddens me to think about this all the time.. everyday it continues to haunt me.. the unhappie times seems to deny the existence of the happie times. Was I realli that fortunate before? Was it just a dream? Is this.. Is this the reality? I don't know..
The rain continues to pour in both areas.. Seems like depression and freedom are both coming at the same time..
he yawned again at 12:23 AM