Apotheosis of evil. I'm a baptised christian who doubts the existence of God.
An avatar of anti-socialism who doesn't fit anywhere in humanity.
I'm tired and lonely... the world is meaningless to me... I want to be forgiven for my sin against someone
very dear. Yet that someone has become a mere memory, no longer an existence in my life.
Endless lament... sorrow... because I was foolish and stubborn.
"I once tried to exploit the darkness within me. But I failed, and it backfired. I was lost in the
darkness, and couldn't find the light."
August 2004
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October 2009
"What if there won't be another blow?"
Liar.
"Come on, please give me another chance. I want to change for you too."
Liar.
"I don't want us to be far apart.. I want us to be close together.."
LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...liar... once again you hurt me.. once again you broke my heart so very badly.. and.. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.. and you said so many stuff that gave my life so much hope. You were realli a person I was willing to change for, a person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with, a person that I wanted to share everything with.. and you took all the things away from me after I've outlived my purpose.. You.. liar..
I can't express the.. hurt I'm feeling right now.
"no matter what you do, 'we' will never exist"
"I don't want to give you any chances already"
"I cannot love you"
And many many more hurting stuff. And God knows how much it hurt to hear that coming from my most important and loved one in the world, who went through so much together with me. Bad times, good times, no matter what it was, we really did go through a lot together.. and now.. I can't experience that anymore.
It feels like.. it feels like suddenly the pillar supporting me has vanished.. it feels like.. I've lost one of my limbs.. Before it was like.. my limb was plagued with a disease.. then things became better.. now my situation feels like.. the virus has spread to the point where my limb has to be amputated. And right now I feel so.. hurt and lost.. and I don't have a shoulder to cry on.. the one person I want to cry on has left me.. again.
he yawned again at 8:44 PM