Apotheosis of evil. I'm a baptised christian who doubts the existence of God.
An avatar of anti-socialism who doesn't fit anywhere in humanity.
I'm tired and lonely... the world is meaningless to me... I want to be forgiven for my sin against someone
very dear. Yet that someone has become a mere memory, no longer an existence in my life.
Endless lament... sorrow... because I was foolish and stubborn.
"I once tried to exploit the darkness within me. But I failed, and it backfired. I was lost in the
darkness, and couldn't find the light."
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
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April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
March 2006
April 2006
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July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
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September 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
DY PA - Deputy Commandant's Personal Assistant.
Quite a lot of things to give up.. Quite a lot of changes to adjust to.. wonder why they asked me whether I wanted to take up the job? If I stay here.. I'd probably have more time in future to focus on my studies.. this is my area of expertise.. I might learn more IT stuff that'll benefit me in uni in future.. but the bosses are complete crap. If I go up there.. I lead a more enriching life.. It counts as good working experience, and looks good on my profile.. My boss would be good to me.. I can't be touched by the trash bosses who are currently here.. and it's a responsibility issue.. apparently nobody else that is available can take up that role.. though right now as the pillar of my department, it's also my responsibility to hold the fort.. guess that's where the dilemma is. But there's more.. my diploma..
Diploma.. sigh. Costly. Though technically, it isn't the diploma that is costly. It's the degree that follows. I don't see myself paying 5 digits with my NS pay. It just isn't happening. And even more painful is that it's extremely time consuming. I probably won't have time left for much things once I start taking it up. It's something that I want.. but not something that's absolutely necessary.
If there was just one person that sincerely wanted and needed me to be there for him/her and saw me as a true friend.. I might've considered other options in life. But hell. I decided to just pick ambition over relation. Though.. truthfully speaking.. when I look inside myself.. perhaps.. it's just an escape out of life. Maybe I just want to avoid some things in life. Maybe I just want an excuse.. an 'I'm busy' so that I.. can be in my own world for a while.
I feel like I've been woken up from a very sweet dream.. and this is the reality ahead of me.. friendship.. it's not the way it used to be between people anymore. I'm very disappointed in friendship in general. I find that all these years have been almost a complete waste of time. Save for the few that actually matter.
And.. I'm not going to be nice to anyone anymore. From now on.. I live my own world. I lead my own life. So don't cross into my side. There's nothing to gain from it for any of us. I hate you all.
才话别已深秋,只一眼就花落
窗台人影独坐,夜沉的更寂寞
一段路分两头,爱了却要放手
无事东风走过,扬起回忆如昨
摇摇欲坠,不只你的泪,还有仅剩的世界
嘲笑的风,高唱的离别,我却听不见
穿越千年的眼泪,只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你,哪怕一面
前世末了的眷恋,在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵,清醒又幻减
梦在前世发觉,我在梦里搁浅
月光浸湿从前,掺拌了的想念
你眺望着天边,我眺望你的脸
谨记你的容颜,来世把你寻找
摇摇欲坠,不只你的泪,还有仅剩的世界
嘲笑的风,高唱的离别,我却听不见
穿越千年的眼泪,只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你,哪怕一面
前世末了的眷恋,在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵,清醒又幻减
摇摇欲坠,不只你的泪
嘲笑的风,高唱的离别
不管还要等待多少年...
穿越千年的眼泪,只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你,哪怕一面
前世末了的眷恋,在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵,清醒又幻减
he yawned again at 12:04 AM