[.:*kagou*:.] [ The Blog ]

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

EDIT~ Some stuff I didn't type in because I was falling asleep and wanted to hurry and end the post. Hah.

I haven't blogged in a while! Actually, I just feel extremely tired everyday for some reason. Though those that have seen me I appear to be quite lively, I actually tire out easily. And for those that were hoping that the 0.01% happened during the operation.. sorry to disappoint you, I guess I'm alive after all. Though, in your favour, I'm not exactly well, heh.

[Hospital Experience]
The operation itself was.. well, I don't know, I just slept through the whole thing. What was to the misery of me was the post operation situation, the week that followed. I guess I underestimated the entire operation. When I woke up, I was, rather expectly, very weak, probably due to the drug. Though the contradiction involved was that the while the effects of the drug hadn't worn of, it didn't seemed to stop the pain that plagued me the moment I regained consciousness.

There was a piece of cotton held at my nose when I woke up.. presumably to absorb the blood flowing out.. and a stinging pain at my throat. Quite obviously. Afterwards a nurse came over to me with a plastic bag, tissue, and some.. solution and told me to rinse my mouth with.. that thing. My first reaction was to spit out the blood in my mouth first before that rinse.. and after that I felt like throwing up. Didn't feel exactly in top form. Afterwards my bed was shifted to my room where I stayed for the night.

In my ward I felt.. I don't know how to describe it. Was a mixture between fatigue, discomfort and pain. On one hand I really wanted to sleep, but then each time I swallowed there'd be a terrible pain at the throat. Plus the slightest contact with the surface of my nose would mean a lot of pain. And well, when the doctor came to remove the cotton stuffed inside my nose my mom nearly fainted haha. The cotton was soaked entirely in red and blood continued to flow out after the removal. She paled out and the nurse had to take HER blood pressure -_-"

The person I wanted to see most didn't come.. hahaa, but now that I think about it.. I'd rather not be seen in that state by her. Felt really pathetic, haha. Well, I stayed up over midnight to send a birthday sms <3 (xw style)

On the day of discharge (which is actually, just the next day) I went to my doctor/surgeon for 'cleaning up' *shudders at the thought of it* It was.. well.. QUITE painful. It felt like someone was taking a drill and scraping the inside of my nasal passage. Considering it's a wound there and the plastic is holding the center bone together, such violent handling actually er, quite embarrassingly, caused tears to flow out. Hahah, it was quite bad really. Edwin and my mom see already also pain, hoho.

[Post Hospitalization]
PORRIDGE DIET!! Even then, I couldn't really eat it. Moving my mouth would cause my stiffened nose to hurt even. Guess it's because of the plastic that remained in my nose until removal last wednesday. That thing gave me a lot of problems over the few days after the operation. And there's an ulcer at the lip even. Probably due to the fact that they clamped my mouth open for quite a while to cut out the tonsils. My, it hurts to eat >.<

And.. I just feel very tired everyday, as mentioned in the very beginning of the post. I guess it's because I lost quite a bit of blood. Plus I can't sleep.. I dreaded sleeping after the operation. I couldn't breathe through my nose at all, with the plastic and all the dead skin blocking the nasal passage. So I had to breathe through my mouth. Which eventually led to more problems, since the throat eventually dried over the night. The next morning the throat area would feel terrible.. and often I'd be forced awake in the middle of the night to take painkillers anyway.

[1st Return Checkup]
This was the wednesday after my discharge.. It was still powerful. Hoho. He used the drill thingy and scraped around again (ouch) a pair of plier-like stuff and pulled out the dead skin continuously. At the end he reached all the way in with the plier-thingy and pulled out the plastic in my nose. I'm kind of wondering how they managed to stuff it in. It's a tad bit big.

But after that.. I could breathe a lot better.. and it's not so painful for my nose already. Though if I reached in to attempt to remove the remaining dead skin or whatever it still hurts upon contact. And after that I had a good night's rest breathing not through my mouth, haha! Maybe that was the turning point, as things turned less taxing for my throat, I started being more able to eat..

[Present]
I'm feeling much better now where pain is concerned but.. the fatigue level remains.. Couldn't attend lessons that last either.. and it looks like I won't be going for lesson today as well.. Kind of afraid that I won't be able to catch up with stuff.

Actually, I'm feeling quite down right now. No, I'm feeling seriously down right now. It's not only about my condition. Even during my supposed holiday, I don't seem to be resting, and lots of things are happening that are continuing the steep downhill of 2007 for me.

有些希望你在。即使不应该，我还是打从心底这么觉得。我好想你啊。对不起。

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变你走过的世界
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想像你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片

要我怎么捡

he yawned again at 6:33 PM