Apotheosis of evil. I'm a baptised christian who doubts the existence of God.
An avatar of anti-socialism who doesn't fit anywhere in humanity.
I'm tired and lonely... the world is meaningless to me... I want to be forgiven for my sin against someone
very dear. Yet that someone has become a mere memory, no longer an existence in my life.
Endless lament... sorrow... because I was foolish and stubborn.
"I once tried to exploit the darkness within me. But I failed, and it backfired. I was lost in the
darkness, and couldn't find the light."
August 2004
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I haven't posted in a long time! Hah... what a nightmare the past 2 months have been. Train train train train train to pass my exam... Only to pretty much screw up the actual thing. *deep sigh* On the bright side, I can see improvement... so maybe I won't get the paper, but August has provided a good return in another way.
Following that, in mid-september, is an intensive 2 week compression of 36 hours of classes in the form of night classes and weekend classes, alternating with overnight duties throughout weekdays. And it doesn't help to have a !@#$%^& classmate. Pisses me off in fact.
He asked whether it will be convenient if I meet him to go through the 'tips the teacher will be giving'. Nah, wake up your idea. There ain't no stupid tips, stop being lazy. But I was polite, I told him it wasn't convenient, and that I could send him an email if it was necessary when I was free, or he could ask another classmate of ours who was keen to meet up and study together. I did answer his question. But no, 'the 2 of us accounting is like very lousy.. anyway most importantly is u able to meet me up to tell me the tips the teacher will give today..' I never did say my accounting was good. And actually, what's most important to you is of no importance to me at all. You could very well rot in hell and I could care less. Lazy bastards like him disgust me. Especially since he has only attended 2 lessons.
My only entertainment has been watching Liverpool's recent good run of form. Victories over Man Utd and Everton really made my day (I'll forget that nightmare of an opponent which is Stoke City) That aside, though, I feel really drained right now. Though at least, I get around 2 weeks of respite for the time being... Except I'm being haunted by something else which didn't use to be a hassle.
Birthday celebrations. Yes. Even celebrating others' birthdays seem to be a chore now. I don't have the time nor energy to entertain hypocrites... T17, to me, is a mere shadow of its past. There's zero sense of bonding, and zero feeling of nostalgia. Maybe when I'm a tad bit more vacant, I'll give it another thought, but for the time being, they're nothing more than a nuisance. So much of me 'changing', so much of me 'fading away', yet so little thought for the very people who changed on me. Give me a break. 'People change', they say. Fair enough, so I don't see why people should be complaining.
Over these 2 years, I've seen enough of the real world. People in the organization, people in school, and it's fair to say the world revolves around money, connections, benefit. Who needs friends? Maybe a couple, but certainly, acquaintances prove to be the difference in the current world.
he yawned again at 11:03 PM