Apotheosis of evil. I'm a baptised christian who doubts the existence of God.
An avatar of anti-socialism who doesn't fit anywhere in humanity.
I'm tired and lonely... the world is meaningless to me... I want to be forgiven for my sin against someone
very dear. Yet that someone has become a mere memory, no longer an existence in my life.
Endless lament... sorrow... because I was foolish and stubborn.
"I once tried to exploit the darkness within me. But I failed, and it backfired. I was lost in the
darkness, and couldn't find the light."
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I've confirmed it again. I really hate my parents. I don't need to say much about my father, but lately I've really been pissed off with my mom.
My tolerance towards her selfish actions seems to be reaching its limit lately. I didn't care if the only thing she's able to do for me as a parent is provide money for education. That's necessary. But everything she does places her face as a top priority. I'd have to go out with her just because her friends 'very long never see me', or some other ridiculous reason. It sickens me to see that. And I'd have to go to church even though I'm a non believer because hey, I'll go to hell otherwise.
I've never detested Christianity as much as this. It's a sensitive topic, criticize me all you want, condemn me to hell if you have to, but if your religion is merciless to the state you'll damn all non-believers to hell and discriminate just like that, I simply have no reason to be one of you. In fact, I think a large portion 'believe' just because they don't want to go to hell, and others really see it as 'social life'. I'm convinced that 20 years in a christian family and 12 years in christian schools has already pointed me in the other direction.
But that's a small issue to me. My biggest grudge is the fact that she treats my grandma, her own mother, like trash. Shouts at her all the time. Feeds her food that she doesn't want. Would rather walk her nephew and niece and leave the old lady behind without letting her catch up when out together. Those 2 little maggots don't do anything for any of us except give us a heap of trouble. Yet my grandma brought her up, and when she neglected her duties as mother, she was the one who took care of me all these 20 years. Yet in return, all that bloody mother of mine could do is treat her totally unlike a human. What the hell are you to be able to do that? I don't do that to you.
And even shopping with her own mother seems to be a chore. She'd tell my grandma that she she wants to buy food home for me in case I'm hungry. Bloody liar. She never ever bothers. She'd spend the entire sunday out with her friends and only ask whether I want DINNER. And on weekdays she won't even care. On fridays she'll just happily go play mahjong until midnight then come back home. Like hell she cared. She'd even complain about the food cooked for her. You don't even do so yourself, and your son has been taken care of, so why the f**k are you complaining?
This ungrateful behaviour makes me feel disgusted all the time. And she never learns. She's among the most hopeless human beings totally devoid of learning abilities. So non believers burn in hell. What about believers who don't show any moral values? Why doesn't she just go and be mother to her nephew and niece and bloody leave me out of it? Irritating bitch.
My grandma is living on a heap of medication. I wish she could have more time to enjoy life. She's taken care of me for so long. She'd need to take care of those kids for another long time. She's been cooking for the family. She does the trips for groceries. Heck, she does all the things the 2 lazy mothers are supposed to do. Sure, she's annoying and noisy at times, but she deserves so much better than that... I wish that she'd be able to watch me graduate and settle down properly one day...
Labels: Random Ramblings
he yawned again at 2:46 PM